Purpose that doesn’t hold
I questioned the meaning of life more times than I can count. And every time I went looking for an answer, I landed on the same word: Purpose. It's a term people throw around like it's self-explanatory. But the more it's used, the less it actually means. Even a simple Google search reveals the problem:
Mission statements, personal aspirations, values, goals, everything except its origins.
I used these statements too, in my earlier years in brand strategy while helping clients. Every version felt good in the moment and on paper, but none of them stuck. For me, I'd sit with it, repeat it, refine it, but something felt missing. I couldn’t help but think, this isn’t it. The search didn't end, it got louder inside.
When purpose is borrowed or built on a shallow understanding, it never takes root in you. People scroll, consume, and copy, hoping meaning will arrive. But some things can’t be borrowed.. They must be developed.
You can borrow a statement, a framework, you can borrow actions and behaviours, you can even borrow how it feels. But you cannot borrow the evidence that makes it real.
Purpose is not a sentence we write. It’s a pattern that's lived long enough to recognise. That's the difference between a purpose statement and the origins: one sounds good, the other has receipts.
Many believe they've found their purpose because they articulate a compelling why. It's meaningful, it feels right, it's catchy, and it reflects what is true now. I, too, bought the books, the courses, the frameworks, all helpful, but they send you down a path shaped by someone else's lens, not our own.
Most can answer 'what is my purpose', but a few can explain:
→ Where is came from?
→ What formed it?
→ When does it show up?
→ How do they know it's true?
That's the real work.
Purpose becomes preference
I circled many assumptions about purpose and, in doing so, dismantled what's been adding to the confusion. Most people never reach purpose because they stop at 'why'.
A why is a reasoning. Sounds meaningful. It's admirable and inspiring, something we can stand behind. It gives the ego something noble to hold. But life shifts, pressure rises, results get messy, circumstances change, the ‘why’ quietly disappears, drifts to the side until things feel ideal again.
Your 'Why' is easy to hold when life is comfortable. Which is why these two patterns keep people stuck, often without realising it:
Feel-Good Purpose
This is the kind that sounds inspiring and affirms one’s identity. When it feels good, it’s usually built on reasoning, not responsibility. And when I say responsibility, I don't mean "doing more." I mean, the action we take without the need for mood permission.
It's life asking you: will you rise or retreat? Over and over again.
Conditional Purpose
Is when purpose only feels true when life is calm, controlled and convenient. When it depends on circumstances, it’s a preference. Here are two examples:
"My purpose is to be a leader to my team, live a balanced life and make a difference"
"My purpose is to continually grow and improve by learning new skills"
They are built on good intentions and strong values, but they rest on ideal conditions.
They'll rarely hold up when:
→ life removes what’s safe or predictable?
→ the results are unexpected, slow or unclear?
→ life demands responsibility, not inspiration?
When I struggled to put food on the table or pay my debts, purpose was the last thing on my mind, yet the challenges persisted. Those feel-good and conditional statements didn't hold up; they collapsed when life got tough.
When we make purpose comfortable, we're dressing self-significance in the disguise of direction. Because the real purpose doesn’t disappear when life gets hard, it becomes louder. It arrives through responsibility, not inspiration.
It calls on us in moments that are rarely convenient or favourable, in big and small ways. When these moments are avoided instead of met, life starts to feel shallow because we didn’t rise to what was asked of us.
Throw it on the wall, see what sticks
Purpose, like most concepts today, is partly understood and packaged for sale. We then partially adopt them, only to find we're left seeking to fill inner gaps. I’ve learned to question the depth behind ideas before accepting them as truth (Wheelbarrow Test). No matter where it comes from or who it comes from, discernment is important.
Here are five assumptions that went unaddressed, keeping us inpurpose-search mode.
persisted
1. Purpose is a fixed
I followed the norm: searching for the correct statement, hoping it would "click". To find the line that would make life make sense and complete me, but the real trap is treating it as a fixed answer.
→ My Purpose is to inspire
→ My Purpose is to help people
→ My Purpose is to be the best version of myself
All worthy causes, but they aren't the purpose itself, more so, positive reinforcements. The word 'is', in the sentence structure, binds the answer in a 'this = that' fashion. If, for example, inspiration, helping or best self is absent, so will purpose be.
Purpose is dynamic, not static, and learning to recognise what dynamic looks and feels like is crucial.
2. It's who I am
My first grasp of purpose felt like a crown, something to wear. That thinking gave me an identity which felt good and sounded noble, but it didn't ground me; it inflated me.
I hear a similar tone all the time: "My purpose is to inspire change in people." The intention is there, but notice the subtle trap: it sounds comfortable, speaks to who we are, and offers a kind of reassurance. It's removed the resistance that makes it possible to do so.
Being a person who can "inspire people" feels aspirational, but living the 'responsibility', even in uncomfortable or inconvenient times, does not. Purpose is often not our first thought when life gets tough. It can show up in a quiet moment with a friend, in a project at work, in a struggle at home, and in everything in between. Even when we're not ready for it, it's a calling, as the saying goes and awareness of the call matters.
3. Starting with passion
I often hear people say, "What are you passionate about?" A question designed to elicit pleasant emotions, like excitement or joy. Nothing wrong with passion, but passion is a feeling, and feelings change quickly in high-pressure moments or subtly over time in small doses.
I've learnt that when the search becomes about what feels good, we drift away from what we're actually here to uphold. Passion might lift us up, get us in the mood, but purpose is challenging us, anchoring us. It's a reminder of what is already in play, we can easily drift from or become distracted by.
This distinction matters because when passion fades, off we go seeking other passions. New passion does not mean new purpose, it just means a new expression.
Passion isn't automatically meaningful. You can be passionate about what excites you and still be empty. Someone can be passionate about success, about money, about being admired, all feel like direction, but its mere stimulation. It lifts you, until it doesn't.
That's why when passion fades, people don't feel less excited; they feel lost. Mistaking energy for purpose. The spark created momentum, but once it stops, purpose is the only thing that remains.
4. My circumstances
In a workshop, I once asked our participants what they believed their purpose was. Familiar answers were "to be a father" or "to be there for my family". Meaningful duties, but among many duties we hold. It can absolutely stand that fatherhood can be a channel through which purpose is lived, but it isn't the source of understanding. We have to ask, to live it, but address what exactly?
If purpose only exists in circumstances, what happens when the circumstance changes? And it will. My life has drastically shifted in many ways. A purpose that depends on change is a season, a phase, a period of life. Often in such seasons, when enough becomes enough, people can divert, avoid, or give up the beliefs they hold about their purpose. What remains true is that when purpose shows up, it calls us to act just in a different form, but we’re not aware of it.
5. More than one purpose
In business, niching down is an important process, meaning getting focused on where you add value and because clarity creates direction. Purpose works similarly by going narrow. Not int he fashion of 'I do this for this person', but 'I know what summons me'.
When we try to hold onto multiple purposes at once, we end up with noise. Instead of focusing on decluttering, people spread themselves thin across a variety of things. It's like 'throw it on the wall to see what sticks' mentality. Nothing wrong with it, but it's how we behave when we don't know what we're anticipating.
A better (proven) starting point
I’ve come to see purpose like a switch. Switching ON when awareness meets responsibility. It happens when you become aware of a 'consistent challenge' that calls you to act, every time. In different forms and environments, but the same underlying call.
That challenge is like a sprinkling of tension throughout our lives. It unfortunately doesn't come with a obvious signal or name, we're left to piece that together.
For one person, it might be a conflict - they keep being tested to speak up.
For another, it’s self-worth - they keep being tested to stop shrinking.
For another, it’s discipline - life keeps exposing what they keep avoiding.
That repeating tension isn't random. It's not life being cruel. It's life showing us what you're here to confront.
Acknowledging the nature of our challenges is the understanding that is scarce today. It's not taught. It separates those who chase meaning without knowing what to chase from those quietly rooted in it.
The tension in our experiences is hidden in plain sight. The task is to reflect and find the core thread connecting them all. The method is simple, when exploring our experiences, pay attention to the pattern repeating itself. Perhaps, journal about them, question its meaning, re-question your answers, categorise what seems obvious and familiar.
Exploring purpose takes awareness, so pause and reflect; it takes a shift in perspective, so dismantle what you cannot attest to. Don't make it up, without the personal realisation, it's a guessing game.
This is work we’ve done with people like Prince, and many others.
For a purpose to exist, awareness and action are needed. The awareness of what is calling us and then the action to overcome it. Like this:
[Become] Challenge Aware + [Take] Intentional Action = Live Purposefully
Purpose isn’t discovered. It’s proven through repeated responses. Otherwise, fluffy statements remain justification, nothing more.
All said and done
Stop asking ‘What is my purpose?', instead ask 'what keeps calling me?'
Notice the patterns that keep showing up, the good, bad and the ugly.
When that level of clarity exists, meaning follows, so does accountability.
Until next time, self-leaders.
Anks Patel